最近看了很多各形各色的SOP
有的SOP寫的很好,我就只用email列出幾個可以改善的點
有些SOP是在概念上出了問題,比方說讓人瞭解不到「你來想要念這個program的理由」
幫別人改SOP,或提供建議,真的是良心事業。
所謂的良心,是指我可能參與了別人的人生改變的轉折點,
如果能比喻的話,就像伸手去救個迷惘而不知所措的溺水者。
但其實,我偏好問別人問題,讓問的人自己去瞭解該怎麼寫才好。
這點,大概就是市面上editor沒辦法做的,
editor的服務大多就把要改的文章加以優化,
而就不會去跟你討論你還有哪些點可以寫的。
有一份讓我滿吃驚的SOP,寄過來給我看的時候,已經是editor改好的版本
但是,我卻發現這篇SOP仍有不足的地方,
組織性不是很完整、也沒有說出為何要申請program的細節理由、
其實這篇sop故事不錯,但我覺得很棒的點卻都沒有寫好。
我想可能是editor只改文法、用字的方面而已,而原本的作者又不能表達他想說的意思,
所以editor也可能看不太懂原作想表達什麼。
我跟原作談了後,我能體會為什麼editor改不好,
我先問原作他想寫的意思,然後我翻譯他所寫的給他聽,
天阿,我聽了他的說法後都大吃一驚『原來你想說的是這個意思!』
(我不想洩漏他的身份,所以用A來代表吧)
A第二次寄過來他的SOP,
看了這份被數人改過得SOP,我知道他已經很努力想寫好了,
但他寫不出來我跟他說過的建議,真的很辛苦,感覺她快要溺死了!
加上我很喜歡A的故事,我就幫他改了(寫了)整篇的SOP!
幫人幫到底啦~
我列出一小部份,原稿(已經被editor改過得),與我的小小得意之作 呵呵:
原稿:
Upon graduation, I joined Sony VAIO as a product promoter. Fluency in Japanese made me highly successful in this work—in my first month, I generated $1,462,224 NTD in revenue, and my outstanding performance led to my promotion to lead Sony's marketing at the Kaohsiung Computer Exhibition. Although I enjoyed my job, I was unsatisfied working for rich executives; after deep reflection, I decided to apply my PR skills to promote meaningful social causes.
我改的:
After graduation, SONY VAIO provided me with a position of product promoter. Being fluent in Japanese and having excellent PR skills made me highly successful in this work—merely in my first month, I created more than $1,4 million NTD in revenue, and held a triumphant computer exhibition in Kaohsiung, and very soon I got a promotion. Although I appreciated the success along with this job, I cannot find spiritual satisfactions in this money-dominated industry. All I have done just like a money-chasing game and my job was finding money for already rich people, or say, my executives. After deep reflection and introspection, I decided to change my job and wished to apply my PR skills in promoting social concern.
(因為我覺得這一段算是個爆點,所以我把它的長度拉長了些)
因此...我建議當你要拿去給editor改的時候,
要跟editor確定你想表達的意思唷。
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