最近看了很多各形各色的SOP

有的SOP寫的很好,我就只用email列出幾個可以改善的點

有些SOP是在概念上出了問題,比方說讓人瞭解不到「你來想要念這個program的理由」

 

幫別人改SOP,或提供建議,真的是良心事業。

所謂的良心,是指我可能參與了別人的人生改變的轉折點,

如果能比喻的話,就像伸手去救個迷惘而不知所措的溺水者。

但其實,我偏好問別人問題,讓問的人自己去瞭解該怎麼寫才好。

 

這點,大概就是市面上editor沒辦法做的,

editor的服務大多就把要改的文章加以優化,

而就不會去跟你討論你還有哪些點可以寫的。

 

有一份讓我滿吃驚的SOP,寄過來給我看的時候,已經是editor改好的版本

但是,我卻發現這篇SOP仍有不足的地方,

組織性不是很完整、也沒有說出為何要申請program的細節理由、

其實這篇sop故事不錯,但我覺得很棒的點卻都沒有寫好。

我想可能是editor只改文法、用字的方面而已,而原本的作者又不能表達他想說的意思,

所以editor也可能看不太懂原作想表達什麼。

 

 

我跟原作談了後,我能體會為什麼editor改不好,

我先問原作他想寫的意思,然後我翻譯他所寫的給他聽,

天阿,我聽了他的說法後都大吃一驚『原來你想說的是這個意思!』

(我不想洩漏他的身份,所以用A來代表吧)

 

 

A第二次寄過來他的SOP,

看了這份被數人改過得SOP,我知道他已經很努力想寫好了,

但他寫不出來我跟他說過的建議,真的很辛苦,感覺她快要溺死了!

加上我很喜歡A的故事,我就幫他改了(寫了)整篇的SOP!

幫人幫到底啦~

 

 

 

我列出一小部份,原稿(已經被editor改過得),與我的小小得意之作 呵呵:

原稿:

Upon graduation, I joined Sony VAIO as a product promoter. Fluency in Japanese made me highly successful in this work—in my first month, I generated $1,462,224 NTD in revenue, and my outstanding performance led to my promotion to lead Sony's marketing at the Kaohsiung Computer Exhibition. Although I enjoyed my job, I was unsatisfied working for rich executives; after deep reflection, I decided to apply my PR skills to promote meaningful social causes.


我改的:

After graduation, SONY VAIO provided me with a position of product promoter. Being fluent in Japanese and having excellent PR skills made me highly successful in this work—merely in my first month, I created more than $1,4 million NTD in revenue, and held a triumphant computer exhibition in Kaohsiung, and very soon I got a promotion. Although I appreciated the success along with this job, I cannot find spiritual satisfactions in this money-dominated industry. All I have done just like a money-chasing game and my job was finding money for already rich people, or say, my executives. After deep reflection and introspection, I decided to change my job and wished to apply my PR skills in promoting social concern.

(因為我覺得這一段算是個爆點,所以我把它的長度拉長了些)

 

因此...我建議當你要拿去給editor改的時候,

要跟editor確定你想表達的意思唷。

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