Oh Gosh! 變成Dr. 了, 8/1 開始PostDoc 工作。
別寄SOP過來了阿...真的沒時間改

 

徵得原作同意,放在這邊做SOP教學範例用。

原作者的問題是經過代辦改過後,首段與末段覺得有點生硬,

希望我能幫忙想辦法,

 

是說,我看了看就幾乎把整篇都變動了,

八月SOP多寄來,前前後後來往email很多次,

因為我叫原作者去好好再查清楚program。

原本要申請MIT的,改成Duke了,

有些用字我是依原作者的意願而保留,

 

 

 


最原始的第一段:

    I am applying to MIT for admission to the Ph.D. program in Physics, a critical step towards becoming a successful researcher in this field. Condensed Matter Physics is my main research interest, particularly in method development of quantum many-body theory and its applications where many-body interactions and quantum fluctuation play an important role in molecules, liquids or solids.

 

 

改造後的第一段:

Joining the Ph.D. program in Physics at Duke is a critical step for me toward a successful theoretical researcher. With my talents in Theoretical Physics, particularly in method development and numerical modeling to tackle quantum many-body problems, I am eagerly looking forward to doing research with brilliant colleagues and professors in your program.

 我把字句重新換一下順序,這樣比較順。

同時也把theoretical physics 點出來,會更確切。

With my talents 聽起來比較厲害些。

最後的 looking forward to ... 加上去我覺得意念上比較完整。

 

 

 

 

 

最原始的第二段:

Even though I knew I wanted to be a physicist before I started at XXX University, it was my master’s degree work at the Institute of Atomic and Molecular Sciences at Academia Sinica that developed my research skills, and, most importantly, my resolution to pursue a career as a physics researcher. The work on quantum many-body interactions in hydrogen-bonded systems has not only focused my research interests in theoretical and computational physics but also led my exploration into modern advances in condensed matter physics. As I deeply aspire to become a successful research scientist in condensed matter physics, MIT is my top choice for doctoral study.

 

改造後的第二段:

After the solid undergraduate Physics training at XXX University, it is my master’s degree work at the Institute of Atomic and Molecular Sciences (IAMS), Academia Sinica, Taiwan, that fully invigorated my confidence and resolution to pursue a career as a research scientist. The work was primarily focused on a theoretical understanding of quantum many-body interactions in hydrogen bonded systems, and it also led me to explore other related research topics in Theoretical Physics.

改變一下大學經驗的語氣,使的比較有信心感。

接著把句子縮短,讓重點比較容易突出。

 

 

 

 

 

最原始的第三段:

During my stay at IAMS, I worked with Prof. XXX and Prof. OOO. My research focus was on the development and applications of numerical methods for gaining an understanding of the quantum many-body interactions inside hydrogen-bonded systems. In the first year, I worked on path integral approaches to study the quantum effects of light nuclei. Based on the imaginary-time path integral formalism, I implemented the ab-initio path integral molecular dynamics method to evaluate quantum partition functions via computational simulations. The implementation incorporates state-of-art path integral techniques with electronic structure programs, and I effectively enhance its performance via parallel computing.The inclusion of nuclear quantum effects has been argued to be important in hydrogen-bonded systems, yet it has often been neglected in typical ab-initio methods. This tool now enables our group to carry out full-dimensional quantum simulations on parallel computer clusters to capture nuclear quantum effects at finite temperatures.

 

 

改造後的第三段:

    In the first year, I worked on path integral approaches to study the nuclear quantum effects in hydrogen-bonded systems. Based on the imaginary-time path integral formalism, I implemented ab-initio path integral molecular dynamics method to quantize the nuclei’s degrees of freedom on a full-dimensional Born-Oppenheimer surface. The inclusion of nuclear quantum effects has been argued important in hydrogen-bonded systems but often neglected in typical ab-initio methods owing to its fundamental and computational difficulties. My implementation incorporated state-of-art path integral techniques with electronic structure programs, and its performance was significantly boosted by my parallel programming which effectively free us from time and size limitations in numerical simulations. This tool now enables our group to carry out full-dimensional quantum simulations on parallel computers to study nuclear quantum effects of hydrogen-bonded systems at finite temperatures.

 

這段內容添加了很多,不是我改的,而是原作者自己改的。

因為是偏原作者專業的部分。

我只有寫些句子給原作參考要怎麼改善。

很明顯的原作者將句子的流暢性提升了很多。

 

 

 

 

最原始的第四段:

Later on, I turned my focus towards the theoretical study of vibrational spectroscopy. The research problem that my current work addresses is the difficulty in accurately accounting for vibrational transitions of hydrogen-bonded clusters when the vibration modes are anharmonic and coupled to other degrees of freedom. To this end, we have devised a multi-dimensional nuclear vibrational Hamiltonian under Discrete Variable Representation and obtained corresponding eigenstates via direct diagonalization. By working through a few examples on ionic hydrogen-bonded clusters, we are beginning to shed some light on the coupling mechanism of vibrations and its effects on infrared spectra. Typically, for water in liquid phases, strong absorptions near 3600 cm-1 are assigned to be stretches of the OH group. In our study, we found the frequency of an OH stretch varies across a wide range, from 1000 cm-1 to 3800 cm-1, depending on its surroundings. In the meantime, the excitations of low frequency modes can stimulate strong anharmonic coupling with OH stretches, which can cause peak splitting or broadening in the vibrational spectra. Understanding the concept of vibrational coupling directly helps us to decipher complicated experimental spectra when strong resonance occurs between vibrational transitions.

 

 

改造後的第四段:

At the second year, I turned my focus toward the spectroscopic interrogation of hydrogen-bonded clusters in which the biggest challenge was on an accurate account for vibrational transitions when they are anharmonic and coupled to other degrees of freedom. To this end, we have devised a multi-dimensional nuclear vibrational Hamiltonian and through the study on ionic hydrogen-bonded clusters we have shed some light on the coupling mechanism of vibrational transitions in hydrogen-bonded systems. For example, the H2O(aq) strong absorptions near 3600 cm-1 are assigned to be the first transitions of OH stretch group, but in our study we found the transition frequency of OH stretch can vary across a wide range, from 1000 cm-1 to 3800 cm-1, depending on its surroundings. Also, excitations of low frequency modes can stimulate strong anharmonic coupling with OH stretches causing peak splitting or broadening of infrared spectra. Such finding is immensely helpful for deciphering complicated experimental spectra when a strong resonance occurs between vibrational transitions.

我是覺得如果跟未來的研究主題沒有很直接的關連,可以再縮短。 取決於原作。

 

 

 

 

 

 最原始的第五段:

 Although these are my current areas of specialization, other research topics related to condensed matter also appeal to me. Novel phenomena discovered in liquids and solids are not only challenging our understanding in Quantum Mechanics but also stimulating technological innovations. The Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company (TSMC) invited me to participate in their Elite Camp and shared with me their technological perspective on solid states. I learned about the major challenges for the next phase of development in lithography, surface reaction and smaller scale semiconductors, all of which rely on future breakthroughs of fundamental physics. Moreover, taking Prof. xxx’s course “Topics on Theoretical Material Physics” has also inspired me to explore ongoing research problems related to quantum many-body theory. It never ceases to amaze me how the interplay between motions of electrons and atoms could render such a rich variety of physical phenomena in condensed matter systems.

 

這段的重點在於講原作還有喜歡其他的領域,並不只有喜歡做模擬。同時還講了自己在TSMC的經驗以及修課的經驗。但是我個人覺得邏輯對於前後段落非常的不流暢。所以後來這整段被刪掉,且把TSMC的經驗放在最末段,當作一個轉折。

 

 最原始的第六段:

    Through my exploration into condensed matter physics, many questions have been raised in my mind, including: How and why can collective modes or coherent dynamics of a group of particles occur and bring quantum physics into a macroscopic scale? How can such macroscopic quantum phenomena be understood and harnessed? Moreover, what is the next important physics discovery that could lead us to achieve the control and manipulation of quantum states and quantum phases in condensed matter? I am zealously seeking a clearer and more unified physics picture to begin to answer them.

這段的重點在講原作的Possible future plan. 但是若能跟教授、program的特點作為結合會更好也更精簡。所以這段後來就被刪掉了。

 

 

 最原始的第七段:

    MIT is the best place to continue that path. As my research interests span many subareas of condensed matter physics, I have browsed with curiosity the research interests of Prof. John Joannopoulos (ab-initio methods), Prof. Jeremy England (biophysics), Prof. Mehran Kardar (biophysics & soft matter physics), Prof. Patrick Lee (superconductivity & spin liquid), Prof. Senthil Todadri (phenomena beyond Landau’s theory), and Prof. Xiao-Gang Wen (string-net condensation).

這段的重點在講原作喜歡的研究主題與教授、但是寫的不夠深入,我建議原作再花更多的時間去補足。這段後來幾乎是被改寫。

 

 

最原始的第八段(最後一段)

Studying these professors’ research websites and publications gives me the sense that this program is a great match for my interests and will be continuously hallenging and exciting in my future study. With your guidance, I will be able to fully develop and exert my research capability and start contributing to this research field. I expect challenges; attending MIT will provide the best setting to reach my goal of being a successful researcher. I am ready to take this step.

不是很很吸引人的結尾,因為沒有新的訊息出現了。

 

 

 

 

 

 

改造後的第五至八段:

Through my research experience, I especially recognize the underlying importance of Electron Structure Theory; to find a proper description of the interplay between electrons and atoms for understanding properties of materials and chemical reactions. Though great advances in this field have been achieved in these decades, several outstanding problems still have resisted solutions including self-interaction error in Density Functional Theory, determination of HOMO-LUMO gap and large-scale simulations of materials or biomolecules. It is my ambition to work on these and make significant contribution to this field.

 這一段是原作後來新加入的,為了銜接過去與未來研究主題而做的,然後再經過我修改一下。為了不再混淆讀者,我這邊先略去原作後來修改的文句。

 

 

Furthermore, in the search of a suitable future graduate program, I am exicted to learn that Prof. Wei-Tao Yang and Prof. Jian-Feng Lu both teach at Duke. The exceptional book, “Density-Functional Theory of Atoms and Molecules”, written by Prof. Yang is the best among all density-functional theory textbooks I have ever read. I anticipate participating in Prof. Yang’s current study on tracing delocalization error and static correlation error, serving as a key role to construct better approximated exchange-correlation. Meanwhile, I am seeking an opportunity to work with Prof. Lu as well. His innovative research on electronic structure theory, multi-scale modeling and sampling of rare events is also at the top of my research interests, and I already have abundant experience in numerical modeling of quantum many body problems.

是原作新加入的段落,再經過我小幅度的修改。很明顯的原作對於未來研究的內容做了更多的調查,這點很好。

 

 

The Department of Physics at Duke University outstandingly integrates Biophysics, AMO Physics, Condensed Matter Physics, High Energy Physics and other related disciplines together; such as stable algorithm and numerical methods developed in Computational Physics can have great impact on not only lattice QCD calculation in High Energy Physics but also collective quantum phenomena in Condensed Matter Physics. As aspiring to involve cross-disciplinary research, I am deeply attracted by the multi-disciplinary characteristic of your program, and believe your program provides the best environment that continues to nourish my cross-disciplinary research interests.  

主要是原作想表達也能做其他領域,或者更喜歡跨領域的研究。我這段只是將句子弄得通順點而已。

 

 

    Finally, I have to thank Prof. XXX’s and Prof. XXX’s mentoring during my master’s study, and the honorable invitation to Elite Camp held by Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company (TSMC) that further strengthened my resolution to continue my doctoral study in Physics. In the Elite Camp, I realized my gifts in theoretical physics and my potential to contribute to physics academia. With my strong enthusiasm in Physics, I believe I will keep growing and honing my research abilities in your program and become a successful researcher in the future.

主要修改的點:把 TSMC的經驗放在這邊。

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

Summary:

最重要的修正是在於對未來program的調查部分,有很大的加強。

很清楚的表達出自己的優點、經驗,且計畫在未來的program中做什麼。

 

 

 

 

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  • First L
  • 不好意思想請教一下X大
    master的SOP提到教授的研究有加分效果嗎?
    是看到henry liu的blog建議提到教授和讚揚要申請的學校

  • 要看你怎麼寫得阿

    xination 於 2015/10/25 03:24 回覆

  • 為ITP苦惱
  • 版大你好,我學校要求要ITP550,但我的文法太差,第一次考了48,第二次40。
    想請問版大能給一些建議嗎?
    或是有沒有一些推薦文法的書?